Fort Lauderdale City Commission Abolishes City Government!

    In the most sweeping and bold action ever taken by any City Government anywhere in the world, the Fort Lauderdale City Commission decided late Tuesday to throw in the towel and completely cancel the entire municipal government!

     The City Commission, which began the year the City was incorporated, 1911, had almost made it 100 years before it ended yesterday.

     It all happened unexpectedly Tuesday during the second meeting of the new Commission.

        … City Manager Gretsas was giving the new City Commission a report on all the expenditures in the “pipeline”, as had been requested of him during the Commission’s first meeting last week. Apparently, the massive amount of expected future spending sent the Commissioners into a irretrievable frenzy.

   ….. Commissioner Bruce Roberts started the discussion. ” OMG, I thought the Police department budget was big! This is unacceptable.” Roberts went on to state that he was a fiscal conservative, his “peeps” were fiscal conservatives, something fiscally conservative must  be done.

   ….. Mayor Jack Seiler was also aghast. “Who’s job was it to watch that old Commission anyhow”, Seiler wondered aloud. “This government is more bloated than a warted toad on a foggy morning!”.  “I can’t begin to imagine where to start to cut this heap? Maybe we should try the zero based budgeting I talked about during the campaign –  start with zero!!”

     “atta boy Jack, Commissioner Charlotte Rodstrom piped in as her and Seiler high-fived at the thought. ” If we start from scratch, Gretsas wouldn’t be the City Manager, would he?”,  she questioned. 

 …. “slow down fellas”, Commissioner Bobby Dubose chimed in. I’m just getting started. Seems like you all would just cancel the whole cotton picking City Government if you had your way!”.

     Silence fell over the room. Only the feverish scrathing of Brittany Wallman’s pencil could be heard!

  ….. They could all see what was about to happenNothing would stop this freight train.  Commissioner Romney Rogers reached out his hands to the others and began to pray feverishly – “Lord guide us through this dismantlement” he asked.

     Rodstrom made the motion. It passed unanimously . Fort Lauderdale Government was done… officially closed…. up in smoke …. never to spend another dime!

                     ……..   and  

                     April Fools !!


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